“Would you just listen?!”; “If you just listened the first time”; “You don’t listen to me”. I think we can all agree that we have heard or said one/all of these phrases, or something like it, on numerous different occasions in our lives. With two small kids in our house I know these get used quite often.
Sure, as a parent we can understand that our kids are constantly learning, pushing boundaries, and exploring all of their options, and it is our job to teach them and help them navigate those boundaries and options. Teaching them to listen to us as well as others is very important in that process. But I also think about how the ability to listen, or lack thereof, can affect us as fathers, husbands, co-workers, friends, and christian men in our faith.
The verse that comes to mind for me is James 1:19, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
I believe that listening falls into two main categories:
Listening to understand
Listening to obey
Both of which can be vitally important in many areas of our lives.
In the home
I believe that effective communication in the home is essential for a family to function at a high level. Sorry to make it sound like a business haha, but seriously, if you can’t communicate effectively with your kids and/or spouse your job as the leader in the home is going to be very difficult and you will find yourself swimming against the current on a consistent basis. If you are a poor communicator, you are going to make your life, as well as everyone else's in the home, more difficult.
With that, I think it is important to understand that effective communication isn’t just your ability to get your point across in a way that makes sense to your kids and/or spouse, it is actually more about your ability to really listen to your kids and/or spouse in a way of truly understanding them and their needs.
Husbands, if you have been married for more than 30 seconds you have probably experienced a situation where your wife comes home from work, or had a long day with the kids, or just got done spending time with a difficult family member or friend and all they need you to do is just listen to them as they talk through it and “vent”? And the whole time you are thinking about how to fix something, or what you can say to help, when in reality they don’t want that, they just want you to listen. There is so much value and power in being able to simply listen to someone.
Fathers, how many times do your kids try to communicate to you in a way that makes no sense to you at all. They beat around the bush, tell you without actually telling you, speak in toddler, or even worse, speak in teenager. All of which are extremely hard to understand. But at the end of the day, listening to understand can be felt in every situation. Sometimes the response may not always be what the child is looking for, but the fact that you truly listened and responded in a way that shows them you really care and understand is essential to helping them learn to do the same with you and others.
If you aren’t willing to listen to understand, your children will be less likely to listen to obey. Even if what they are trying to communicate doesn't make sense to you, it makes sense to them. A lack of intention when it comes to listening to understand will build resentment and lack of respect from your children. So, be quick to listen and slow to speak, as James tells us.
At Work
I think we can all see how listening to understand and listening to obey are essential to a thriving work environment. Whether you are the lowest level employee or the top dog on the food chain, your ability to listen to understand others as well as your ability to take orders and complete tasks is vital to being a great employee or boss.
I’m sure we have all had situations in the workplace where a co-worker, manager, or boss has not been on our good side for one reason or another. I think it is important to understand that when we look at the skill (yes, I believe this is truly a skill) of being a good listener it has nothing to do with how we feel about the other person. There was no exclusions list mentioned in James 1:20, I checked.
So, next time you find yourself in a situation where you want to roll your eyes and completely ignore the person talking to you, remember to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (read verses 20-21 if you question the importance of why James made mention of this).
Social Life
Ok, I know I’m not the only one who has had to make a conscious effort to improve in this area. How often when someone is talking are we only thinking about what we are going to say next? If I’m the only one raising my hand then the word for next week's post is going to be “Lying”, haha.
Whether we are with close friends or someone we just met it is important to give them the respect of listening in a way that communicates that you actually care about what they are saying, even if you really don’t. Seriously, it’s not always about you and they are likely talking about something that is important to them in some way.
Christian Walk
I know this was a long one but I will wrap it up with this section. When we think of walking with the Lord and striving to be like Christ, listening to understand and listening to obey are vital to our spiritual growth.
God is constantly showing us things and teaching us. Listening to understand means paying attention to the areas he is revealing himself to us. Spending time in God’s word and intentionally listening to the teachings and examples in it, will bring us a deeper understanding of God’s purposes, plans, character, desires, love, grace, and so much more. Try praying and actually listening for a response, rather than just praying to hear ourselves speak/think. You will be amazed at how much God is ready to speak to you through the Spirit. Additionally, listening to wise Godly teachings and council by those that the Lord has put into your life will help bring deeper levels of understanding.
Earlier in James 1 it says, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”
So here we go, if you want more understanding, you must ask. Which means you better start listening to obey if you want to experience the fullness of life that God intends for you. Following Christ means being ready and willing to listen when he prompts you to do something or say something.
Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been on the crooked path, and it only leads to destruction. The straight path sounds a whole lot better – spoiler alert, it is! But getting on the straight path means giving up control and submitting to him (listening to obey).
I know I rambled on quite a bit in this one so kudos to you if you stuck with it to the end. I pray that God blesses you and helps you become a better man who will listen intentionally to those around him and submit in every way to Christ so you can experience the fullness of life that God desires for all of us (Ephesians 3:19).
Written by: Brandon Kress
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